March 2012
Mom: LET'S GO I'M READY
: 10 minutes go by
Mom: are you ready yet?????
Me: I've been standing at the door waiting for you for 10 minutes
Mom: Ok I just have to pee and change clothes and water the plants and feed the dogs and cook dinner and swim the english channel
Tumblr: Here, have some kittens...
Tumblr: Delicious food? There.
Tumblr: I bring you some beautiful, insipiring art...
Parents/Roommate/Boss: *walks into the room*
Tumblr: PORN?
Tumblr: YOU SAID PORN?
Tumblr: DID I HEAR DICKS?
Tumblr: WHAT WAS THAT DID YOU MENTION HARDCORE GAY SEX?
February 2012
I said to my girlfriend, "I bet you can't piss me...
most-awkward-moments:
She replied, “Your cock’s bigger than your brother’s.”
1 tag
limiculous:
Yes, it’s violin. With dubstep.
Why Rumplestiltskin Isn't A Face Character At...
Kid: [holds up an autograph book]
Rumplestiltskin: Oh no no no, I never sign anything. [Unfurls a contract] People sign things for me~ Tell me dearie, do you have anything you wish for? Anything magical perhaps?
Watch
Aristotle: We are what we repeatedly do.
Plato: Well then I guess I'm YOUR MOM
Plato: *high fives Socrates*
